Sunday, October 24, 2010

Revenge of Milky

Posted By Booze Fighter

Joe and Bob Rosselle teamed up in 1982 to distrubute tasty cold treats to all of the hot and hazy Bostonians, but their ice cream handouts were just a cover. Inside the womb of their first Thermo King, tossed and churned an Ice Demon...Milky.

I believe, Milky was supposed to resemble a happy, everyday milk man, but instead, Milky looked more like a cream slinger from hell. His robotic appearence meant one thing...death to all.

It's 102 degrees outside. Your shoes are melting to the sidewalk. Wait, whats that blurry figure in the distence walking this way ever so chipper? You pause with confusion. You hear the jingles of an ice cream truck. By now your shoes have become one with the asphalt.

"Shit, I think the heats getting to me lil' sis. All i can hear, besides our flesh cooking, is the taunts of an ice cream truck nearby, and all i can see is...oh shit! ohhh SHIT. Samantha, untie your shoes and jump to the grass if you can. That figure moseying this way is MILKY!

Both children frantically try to untie their shoes but the heat and the music Milky is dispensing from his ears are putting both of them into a trance; like a cobra's dance to a mouse before it is ingested.

Gotta snap out of it, gotta run. Milky is now picking up his pace from a lacksadaisical step to a moderate stride, holding a two-ball screwball in one hand and a bloody ice pick in the other.

FUCK he's creepy. Milky's facial expression doesn't change but you can tell he's on the hunt, for his music switches from "You are My Sunshine" to Pantera's "Walk." God, why does it have to end this way?

Well, it wouldn't have ended that way Jimbo if RoseV Dairy had picked a better Logo. Maybe then it wouldn't have come to life and eaten your brains like a Choco Taco. Now Milky is raising the cold, creamy dead for his unholy army. The Hulkster, the Bozo Cup, the Widget Pop and yes even Tweety are now Ice Cream Zombies ready to embark frost bite all over the Greater Boston Area.

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