Showing posts with label video games. Show all posts
Showing posts with label video games. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Video Game Review: A Boy and His Blob

posted by Fly Boy
A Boy and his Blob is a Nintendo video game about a boy…and his blob. Like many Nintendo games one would purchase at a yard sale, this game lacked any real story. You begin the game in the middle of a desolate street at night with a sack of jelly beans and a bouncing amoeba that slightly resembles an albino Slimer. At this point the player is already pondering such questions as "who is this boy?" "Where did he get this blob?" and "What the hell am I supposed to do?"

Unfortunately, the game fails to answer any of these questions and forces you to use your imagination. If I had to write the story of A Boy and His Blob it may go a little something like this:

Boy lived a hard life. He was raised by his abusive step father and crack-addicted mother, who failed to properly name him. He grew up never really knowing his biological father, except for the occasional stories his mother would tell when she was coming down off the rock. She would tell him that his father was a miner named Doug and that he spent most of his life digging. Then one day, when Boy was a baby, Doug decided he'd had enough of family life and abandoned Boy and his mother in pursuit of his dream to reach the center of the Earth. At first, Boy paid little attention to his ranting mother, but at the age of 12 he developed a mild case of schizophrenia and her stories began to make sense. By the age of 13, Boy began to suffer from severe depression. He felt scared and alone. To counter his feelings of insecurity he created an imaginary friend named Blob, who convinced Boy to kill his step father, rob a candy store, and set out on a journey seeking revenge on his biological father at the center of the Earth. (Press “A” to begin)

Even though A Boy and His Blob lacks a sense of plot and what would seem like a definitive ending, it is definitely an entertaining side scroller. The concept of the game, feeding a blob an assortment of jellybeans that cause it to morph into various objects that are intended to assist you, is interesting and innovative to say the least. The game has a bit of a learning curve and the blob can piss you off worse than the dog from Duck Hunt, but don't let this discourage you. All in all, A Boy and His Blob is 1/4 fun, 1/4 frustration, and 1/2 what the fuck?

Monday, November 23, 2009

Food Review: Nintendo Cereal System

posted by Booze Fighter
Twenty one years ago, Nintendo Cereal smashed global brain waves from Burkina Faso, to the rivers of Singapore, and all the way to the corporate FAT CATS in Washington. Children, the elderly, and LARPs from all over the world stood in awe of the aura of a dual combination of breakfast gold. Yes, that's right... at one point in our lifetime cereal companies knew what the people wanted and needed. Clean water and reusable fuel sources are nothing compared to being able to grab one box of cereal and having the choice of two. Or dare you mock the taste gods and open BOTH sides, mixing two worlds - Mario Bros. and Zelda - only to have the offspring be sword wielding Italian plumber elves resulting in a failed video game, "Guiseppi: Burning Bushes Because My Faucet is Leaking... The Story of a Bastard Child." So, adventurous ones, fuck Jason and the Argonauts, grab your spoons and your hunger, and get ready to embark on a legendary taste voyage known as Nintendo Cereal.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Toys I Wish I'd Never Melted: Exo Squad

posted by Booze Fighter
These toys were based off one of the most underrated cartoons ever. I found the toy before I learned about the show and my love for video games eventually led me to pounding on the A B C buttons of a Genesis controller trying to cap Phaeton, the Neosapien governor of Mars. Anyhow, my brains practically exploded when I realized that with this toy not only do you get a completely movable action figure that fits his or her very own personal "Mech Machine," but it fires plastic missiles at a range suitable for any 12 year old who is trying to take out a large ant hill. This toy would still be a hit today, with the potential to inspire imaginations everywhere. "Hey Billy, why don't you drop that Dazzle Doll and take on the Neosapiens with your very own Exo Squad?" Hell yeah, Billy. Hell yeah.