Posted by Fly Boy
The Silly Rabbit comes home from a long day of chasing Trix to no prevail. He notices a message on his answering machine and presses play:
“Hey, depressing little jack rabbit, it’s your buddy, Barney Rubble. I'm sure you're home right now holding an empty cereal bowl and wacking off to bunny porn, because you’re fucking pathetic. HAHA…just fucking with you dude, but seriously I stole another box of Fred’s delicious fruity rocks and I wanted to throw a party tonight. Don’t call me back to say you’re busy, because I know you’re not. Party starts at nine. Be there.”
Rabbit arrives at the Rubble’s residence around 10 pm. He opens the door and is instantly exposed to an array of rainbow-colored strobe lights and an eargasm of heavy metal music. He looks to his left; Barney is in the corner with his eyes closed, wailing on an air guitar. In the center of the room, Betty dances erotically on the coffee table while Tony the Tiger watches with glazed eyes from the comfort of the couch. The Rabbit looks to his right to see Toucan Sam blowing lines of crushed Fruity Pebbles from a marble cutting board. Toucan greets the rabbit, "Come in man...follow your fuckin’ nose to these delicious Fruity Pebbles." The Rabbit timidly walks to the bar in which Toucan is perched. Sam hands him a spoonful of fruity goodness. The Rabbit takes a bite. The sugary sensation instantly attacks his blood stream; Rabbit has never felt such a rush. He turns back to the center of the room. Betty and Tony are now making out on the coffee table. Barney, oblivious to his surroundings, is now on his knees violently wailing on his air guitar. Heavy guitar riffs echo through the room. Rabbit turns back to Toucan, feeling the full effects of the Fruity Pebbles, he watches the strobe lights bounce off of the already colorful beak. For the first time in Rabbit's life he feels complete. He smiles. The bird smiles back and nods in mutual agreement. Toucan Sam speaks over the deafening music, "Fruity Pebbles mannn...Fruity...Fuckin’...Pebbles."
The rabbit wakes the next morning in his bathtub; chest deep in soggy fruity pebbles and pink milk. A dead goat lay by the toilet. Shattered glass from the mirror above the sink lay scattered on the floor. A portable CD player teeters on the edge of the tub with U2’s “Numb” set on repeat. The rabbit looks around, mentally absorbing the scene. He begins to laugh uncontrollably.
Although Rabbit spent the rest of the day with a twitching eye, irritable bowels and sensitive nipples, his experience taught him two valuable lessons; 1. Fruity Pebbles are way better than Trix and 2. Trix ARE for kids…kids that don’t know how to party.
